Pool romance all washed up

So Olympic athletes Eamon Sullivan and Stephanie Rice have broken up. "Meh," says Sam Bowring.

Eamon Sullivan and Stephanie Rice have broken up. They say it's so they can both concentrate on doing well at the Olympics. Hey guys, maybe no one has told you this but in a relationship, it's OKAY TO HAVE THINGS IN COMMON.

It doesn't seem like they lasted very long. Maybe they're trying to set a personal best for the time it takes to complete a relationship? Hey guys, you know you don't have to do everything fast, right?

I think it's kinda weird that it started as a long distance relationship, and now that they're finally going to be in the same place at the same time, they don't want a bar of each other. “Yeah, we were both just in it for the phone sex really. Without that, what's the point continuing?”

Were they even really together in the first place? One was in Perth, one was in Brisbane… that's not an easy dating distance, I don't care how fast you can swim.

In fact, being in different states and spending so long underwater, I have to wonder how they ever communicated at all? Maybe they did it through the pools, with sonar, like whales:

“Eeeeee! Eeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

That's whalish for, “I just swallowed a bandaid!”

The relationship was likened in its time to Posh and Becks… as opposed to a couple of teenagers you'd never heard of fooling around a bit. Let me clue you in on a little secret – sometimes people in the media like to dress things up.

Now they're saying that Australia's heart is broken, but chin up Australia – there are other loveless celebrity couples in the sea.

And hey, let's face it, when the Olympics are over and everyone is drunk at that final party, I'm pretty sure they're going to fuck anyway. Hey thanks for reading folks, I'm Sam Bowring.